Talk of fear seems to be all around me these days.  My parish is focusing on it during Advent, with themes like, “Insist on hope in the midst of fear”, and “We are called forward even in the midst of our fear”.  I love these themes, but they feel incomplete, like platitudes.  They sound as if they were developed by people who have not done the hard work of embracing, transforming and integrating their fear into their whole being.  The church tends to only skim the surface of the psyche with its messages.  I want to drive it deeper.  Maybe God does too.

The Rev. Cameron Trimble, in her meditation for December 9, 2025, wrote of fear, “…fear is more than an emotion. It’s an architecture. It builds rooms inside us and then convinces us we are safer when we stay locked in.  … transformation — from fear to freedom — doesn’t happen by denial. It begins with reverent attention. To notice where fear is whispering: Don’t speak. Don’t risk. Don’t love. And then, gently but firmly, to disobey.”

All that is true, and also easy to dismiss.  Lots of questions arise, the least of which is, “How do you do that?” 

What is the architecture of those rooms of fear inside us, and how did they get built? 
How does fear convince us to seemingly know beyond a doubt that we are indeed safer when we stay locked in?  Was there a time when we actually were safer, locked inside those rooms?  
Is it safe to come out now? 
How do we attune to the whispers of fear and identify them for what they are, and not as voices of truth?  Whose voices are they, anyway? 
And then, how do we go about gently but firmly disobeying, without becoming an angry rebel?  How do we transform the locked rooms of fear into openings where Divine love and light can freely flow?

I lived most of my life inside those rooms of fear.  The first walls were built when I was about two and afraid of the dark, but more afraid of the punishment that would come my way if I left my room and told my parents I was afraid.  More walls of fear came up when I tried to say what I thought, and I quickly learned it was safer to parrot back to my father what he had already told me.  Safer to agree, safer to follow rules, safer to keep my mouth shut, safer to conform to the cultural rule that children should be seen and not heard, and later, to follow the rule that women must obey the significant man in their lives.  I learned to fly under the radar where I would not be noticed.  I gave up thinking my own thoughts and constructing my own reality because it was safer to live inside the reality that others had constructed for me.  I had no idea that there existed a concept of unique individuality and original thought.  My college advisor, in the math department, called me “blasé and aloof”.  But in reality, I was imprisoned.

It’s strange to me, how events line themselves up to reinforce the field of energy each one of us creates.  I chose two abusive husbands and lived a life of becoming the person they wanted me to be. Then my children were born and I found I had values I had built myself, after learning from mentors and from observing other parents with their children.  It was the first time I had encountered any individuality that belonged uniquely to me.  Of course, the unique me didn’t fit the pattern my children’s father had projected onto me, and my life became miserable until several years after leaving the marriage.

In leaving, I did not “disobey” the voices that told me to keep my mouth shut and to stay inside those walled rooms of fear.  I didn’t just walk out of those rooms, nor did I dismantle them.  After a long process, I integrated them as I accepted the healing that was offered me.  Surrounded by love from what entered my life, I did what we all must do if we want to follow our own voice and open the prison. 

To “disobey”, to quote Rev. Trimble, we must first acknowledge with compassion that we are indeed living inside those rooms of fear. At times in our lives, it was safer to stay small and to dim our lights than it was to show up as our unique selves.  The walls we lived inside were protections made of devotion and care for ourselves, and our desire to live and not die within our familial, cultural, religious and educational institutions.  They were reinforced by people who loved us, but who lived inside of their own rooms of fear.  We had to survive in an unsafe world constructed by people with their own problems.  And so, with whatever wisdom and resources we had, we built a safe house.  Outside, it was a war zone.

With great tenderness and without judgment or resentment, we must honestly look at those walls, to understand who and what built them and how they kept us safe.  Most importantly, we must discern whether the world we now inhabit is, in fact, safe.  Is it a war zone out there, as it may have been when we were younger?  Our answer to this question is all important, because if it truly is a war zone out there, then we are not safe in our current life.

But if the war zone has calmed down, or perhaps the war is over, we need not remain small, locked inside these rooms of fear, continuing to “live” an un-lived life.  Then comes the tricky part, the descent to retrieve the pieces of our lives hiding in those rooms, to open the windows and let light into places that have been hidden from us for so long.  It takes great courage to begin this process, and it can only be completed when you and all the rooms of fear have been dipped in and immersed in the safety of Love.

Now is the time to address the voices that warned you of dire consequences should you become yourself and allow your light to shine.  Dialog with them.  Befriend them.  Praise them for their protection of you at a time when you needed protection.  Thank them deeply for being there for you.  Assure them that the war is over and give them a new job.  With that new job, they and you can live in harmony, and Love is free to flow in, around and through you.  No longer do you have to hide; they can show you how to step out of the hiding place.  No longer must your light be dimmed; they can show you how to shine it.

The fear is now healed and integrated into your life.  Now you can be a beacon of love and hope for others as they see your light and the fullness of your life.  Now you are a portal for Divine Love to flow through you and into the world.  Now your wholeness adds to the wholeness of the world.

This is a long, difficult process that may take years, even decades.  It is worth every minute, every tear, and every dark night.  Find your companions for this journey.  They are aching to walk this road with you.   

For more information on the Loyal Soldier of the Psyche,
See my blog entry https://wildradiance.me/2020/12/09/the-loyal-soldier-of-the-psyche/